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mayukh datta

Occupation
Software Engineer
Location
Hyderabad
Interests
Music Lover.. Animal Lover... Tourist
Well I am all humour and fun personified. I like to participate in discussions related to anything under the sun..
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May 30

Some International IT abbreviations

CAD - Computer Aided Disaster
IBM - I Buy Macintosh
BBS - Be Broke Soon
FYI - Free Young Idiot
ASP = Another Suckers Problem
AMD = Another Manmade Disaster
AOL - Almost Online
MSN = More Suckers Needed
HP = Help Please
DELL = Doesn't even like linux
COMPAQ = Couldn't Operate Microsoft, Probably Already Quit

ISDN Incompatible shitty digital nonsens
IRC = Idiots Really Chat

6:55 PM | Permalink | View trackbacks (1) | Blog it | Laughter is the best medicine :))

Indian IT Abbreviations

IT companies and their funny abbreviations
1.  INFOSYS : INFerior Offline SYStems
2.  WIPRO : Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output
3.  HCL : Hidden Costs & Losses
4.  TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions
5.  C-DOT : Coffee During Office Timings
6.  HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping
7.  BAAN : Beggers Assosciation and Nerds
8.  IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines
9.  SATYAM : Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly
10. PARAM : Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors
11. HP : Hen Pecked
12. AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible
13. CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort
14. DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers
15. BFL : Brainwash First, and Let them go
16. DELL : Deplorable Equipment & LackLusture
17. TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd
18. PSI : Peculiar Symptoms of India
19. PCL : Poor Computers Ltd
20. SPARC : Simply Poor And Redundant Computers
21. SUN : Surely Useless Novelties
22. CRAY : Cry Repeatedly After an Year
23. TUL : Troubles Un Limited
24. CTS : Coffee, Tea and Snacks
25. ICIM : Impossible Computers In Maintenance
26. BPL : Below Poverty Line.
27. NIIT : Not Interested in IT
6:30 PM | Permalink | View trackbacks (3) | Blog it | Laughter is the best medicine :))

"Height of..." Jokes

Height of Honesty - A pregnant woman asking the bus conductor for one & a half ticket.
Height of Confusion - Two earthworms making love in a bowl of noodles.
Height of revenge - A bastard roaming in a condom factory with a needle in his hand
Height of pain - A monkey sliding down a knife's edge using balls as his brakes.
Height of Foolishness - A guy peeping thru' the keyhole of a glass door.
Height of Noise - Two skeletons fucking on a tin roof.
Height of Itch - A fat man hanging (upside down) from a roof trying to scratch his balls.
Height of Innocence - A teenager girl applying Clearsil to her nipples thinking them as pimples.
Height of Unemployment - Cobwebs in prostitute's cunt.
Height of laziness:
                     1. A guy lying on a girl and waiting for an earthquake to do the rest.
                     2. Adoption.
Height of Competition:
                     1.A guy peeing beside a waterfall.
                     2.A topless lady standing near mount everest.
Height of Bravery: A naked man bending over to pick up a quarter on an island of gays.
Height of Sophistication: Sucking nipples with a straw.
Height of Disgustion: While wiping after a good toilet dump, your finger pokes through the paper.
Height of Technology: Condom with zip.
Height of Penetration: A baby girl born pregnant.
Height of Darkness: A negro searching for his penis in a dark room.
Height of fashion: A female applying LipStick to her vertical Lips.
Height of patience: A female lying naked under a banana tree and hoping for banana to fall in the right place.
Height of coincidence: And the banana falling in !!


Height of Frustration: A boxer trying to scratch his balls.
Height of Innocence: A teenage girl applying Clearasil to her nipples.
Height of Laziness: A guy lying on a girl and waiting for an earthquake to do the rest.
Height of Disgust: While wiping after a good toilet dump, your finger pokes through the paper.
Height of Technology: A condom with a zip.
Height of Trouble: A one handed man hanging from a cliff and his arse is itching.
Height of Heights: Tenzing shitting on top of the Everest to make it a littler taller than Hillary's.
Height of Fashion: Condom with pleats.

IT Heights...

HEIGHT OF ISOLATION:
Two persons sitting side by side using emails to communicate with each other.

HEIGHT OF COWARDICE:
Two persons fighting through emails.

HEIGHT OF HELPLESSNESS:
Receiving no emails for a week.

HEIGHT OF FRUSTRATION:
The email server being down.

HEIGHT OF CARELESSNESS:
Writing a love mail and doing a 'Send All.'

HEIGHT OF TIMEPASS:
A person sending email to himself

HEIGHT OF EXPECTATION:
Sending Indian cricket team an e-mail, wishing them to win a match

HEIGHT OF REPETITION:
Forwarding an email to someone and receiving the same email forwarded back to you By some one in the receiving chain.

HEIGHT OF BROWSING:
U r swimming in the water tank and shout 'F1 F1 F1 ' instead of shouting 'HELP' when u are unable to swim...

6:01 PM | Permalink | Blog it | Laughter is the best medicine :))

Santa Banta Jokes (1)

<<Please excuse me if u find some jokes offensive, none of them are my creation, I just compiled the ones floating around>>
Marriage Counselling:
 
After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments,
Banta Singh and his wife Preeto decided the only way to save their
marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each others throats for some
time and felt that this was their last straw.

When they arrived at the counselor's office, the counselor jumped right
in and opened the floor for discussion.

"What seems to be the problem?"

Immediately, Banta held his long face down without anything to say. On
the other hand, Preeto began talking 90 miles an hour describing all
the wrongs within their marriage.

After 10 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to
her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several
minutes, and sat her back down.

Afterwards, Preeto sat there - speechless. He looked over at Banta who
was staring in disbelief at what had happened.

The counselor spoke to Banta, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a
week!"

Banta scratched his head and replied, "I can have her here on
Wednesdays and Saturdays."
Sardar Ji's Brain

In a brain selling centre, most brains were available for sums ranging from Rs. 1,000 to Rs. 1,00,000.

But one Sardar Ji's brain was being quoted at over a Million dollars.

Why is it asked somebody.

Well! A Sardar Ji's brain is very rare and we can get only one in about a million heads, came the reply.
Banta & Thief

Banta Singh, coming back from a late night movie was attacked by a thief. There was a terrific fight and Banta gave a good account for himself. But finally the thief tied him down and went through his pockets.

He found only 25 Paisa.

The exasperated robber exclaimed "What the hell.

Why were you fighting for only 25 Paisa"

Banta replied "Oh. You were only after this 25 paise is it ? I thought you were after the Rs.1,000 I have hidden in my left shoe".
Surd's Short Story
A Sardarji happened to participate in a competition, which was about writing the shortest story. The organizers had put a condition that a story must have four ingredients viz. religion, sex, suspense and mystery.

Sardarji's turn came after many attempts by others. Sardarji gave a story, which was just one sentence and read : "Oh God, my wife is going to deliver a child".

Ostensibly amused, the organizers asked the sardarji whether it contained all the four ingredients !!
Sardarji replied affirmatively and gave his explanation as below: Oh God : religion

My wife: sex

Going to deliver a child : Suspense (whether a girl or a boy)

"Okay.... but where is the mystery ?" asked one of the organizers.

The sardar replied : Who is the father? Sardarji was declared the winner for writing the shortest story!

Hi Tech Banta
Three men - an American, a Japanese and Banta Singh were sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound.

The American pressed his forearm and the beep stoped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager," he said. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later a phone rang.

The Japanese lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."

Banta felt decidedly low-tech but not to be outdone, decided he had to do something just as impressive. He steped out of the sauna and went to toilet. He returns with a piece of 'Toilet paper' hanging from his butt.

The others raised their eyebrows and said, "Wow! What's that?"

"I'm getting a Fax," he explains.

Examination
Sardar Banta Singh is appearing for his University final examination which consists of Y/N type questions. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his wallet out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Y for Heads and N for Tails. Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating.

The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. "Oye, I finished the exam in half and hour". "But yaar", he says, "I am rechecking my answers and am not able to tally them with what I wrote."

Once a train was moving on the railway line. Suddenly the train got down from the railway line and started moving into the fields.
The passengers got angry and decided to punish the train driver, Santa.
When the train stopped, all the passengers came to the driver and asked:"Why did you take the train off the track into the fields."
Santa : A man came in front and was standing on the railway line.
Passeners: Why did you risk the life of so many passengers in order to save the life of one man.You should have driven the train on that man.
Santa : I was going to do this only but the man ran towards the field.

 Once there was a competition held that one who can stay in a room with a pig for 20 days will be awarded Rs 15 lakhs. So 1st the pilot went to stay with him but after 2 days he came out saying I can't stay there.
Then an astrologer went he stayed there for 5 days and then came out saying I cant stay there.
Now Santa went in there and stayed there for 5, 6, 7, 8,9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14 days.On the 15th day when the people out of the room were very excited to meet santa, the pig came out saying I cant stay there.

What is the height of foolishness? ans.a girl having a bath in atransparent glass bathroom and santa banta fighting to peep through the key hole

what is common between alliens and intelligent sardars? ans. You have only heard or imagined about them but never seen or met them!


4:55 PM | Permalink | Blog it | Laughter is the best medicine :))
 

MaxxD

An age is called Dark, not because the light fails to shine, but because people refuse to see it -- James Michener